ANDRE'S REVENGE DAY 31- The Bigger They Are, The Harder They Fall

[Bunny Berry]

Loving somebody with a drug addiction might be just as confusing and frustrating as being a drug addict yourself. Today was one of those confusing and frustrating days.

My brother, John, is addicted to crack cocaine. He's been an addict for going on 20 years. His drug addiction makes him a liar, a thief, and a completely paranoid asshole 99% of the time. I try not to get involved. I try to stay neutral. He's burned every bridge he's got, and sometimes comes to me when he needs help. I love him with all of my heart. He's still my little brother. And when he's not high on crack, he is one of my favorite humans. He's funny, smart, and incredibly charming. He's also 6'4", and when he's not strung out, could pass as Vince Vaughn's brother.

Today I found myself caught up in the drama when he called and said that he'd been shot, and needed somebody to meet him at the emergency room. After finding out that it was nothing life threatening, a shot in the leg and two in the hand, I found myself sitting with him in the emergency room while he was being stitched, bandaged, and questioned by the police. We cried, we laughed, we promised to take care of each other. Everything in my heart says love, everything in my head says watch out! I brought him home with me. He needs me tonight. He needs me to just take care of him, and not to talk about what happened. Not talk about the 800 pound gorilla in the room.

And tonight, I can do that. But I told him that the only way he was coming home with me is that he had to agree that I'll nurse him to health just enough to get him into rehab. He cried and said, "I'll go. I'll go. I don't want this anymore." Oh, if only those were the first time I'd heard those words. Oh, God grant me the strength to believe them just one more time.

It used to be something I hid. Something I'd never talk about. But sometimes I just get mad about it, and want to let it all out. I just get mad that one of the biggest problems in our country is not even on the agenda, politically. Our prisons are filled with drug addicts, drug dealers, and drug cooks. Our cities are filled with them, too. Our neighborhoods look clean from the outside, but don't look too closely, you might find an addict next door. You might even find one living in your own house or in your family. You might even be an addict yourself.

IF YOU ARE AN ADDICT OR HAVE AN ADDICT IN YOUR FAMILY, please know that I know what you are going through. I know your pain. You don't have to tell your story here. But if you need a little love in this area of your life, shout out a little "HEAL US" in your response so that we can send healing vibes your way.

HEAL US. HEAL ALL OF US. Give us all the strength we need to love ourselves to heal inside and out. And know that you're not alone.

[Bunny Berry]

Oh, I know. Same mother. Same father. Same childhood. Same everything. Totally different paths. That could have been me.

Wendilou said:

"There, but for the Grace of God, go I." Just so happens my drug of choice is food. I was just lucky. Blessings to you both.

[Cinegal]

This is why we love you so much Bunny- you have such a good heart, and enough love to give the whole world. Be sure to do what is right for you and your immediately family first. I admire your ability to forgive and show compassion (at least for now.)

Stay safe, and stay strong dear Bunny. Swift and deep healing to you and yours.

[Lauren]

Hey Bunny, thank you so much for sharing. My mother is an alcholic and abuses prescription drugs. She has been in and out of AA and rehabs since I can remember. I grew up not knowing that every mother doesn't make there daughters fill a big mug with wine and bring it to them over and over again until they fall asleep (pass out). Last July she got really bad again and went into rehab but only stayed a week. She says she hasnt drank since then and we have to trust that. She found out she has breast cancer in October and has surgery to remove it and is now receiving radiation. She says she doesn't drink and wouldn't do it ever again. If this lasts then I will believe the cancer was a blessing in disguise because she says she won't drink because she is afraid that's why she got the cancer, since she was tested and doesn't have the gene. Anyway, enough about me. I am praying for your brother and you and your family. Good luck, and remember one day at a time,

[Gill Gillono]

My heart hurts for you right now, Bunny. I also have an Addictive personality and two alcoholic parents, but luckily I only got caught up in Alcohol enough to realize I was hurting people and I was still able to quit with God and 12 step rooms. My other addiction is, as you can probably guess, Food. I have heard drug addicts in 12 steps who say that Food is actually the "harder" addiction to kick cause you NEED to eat every day. Hmmm, I think they all stink, but I also think God gives us our personalities for a Higher purpose and maybe I wouldn't have such a compassionate heart if I wasn't SO compulsive, I don't know. Peace & Prayers to you & yours ..Heal us. Gill

[Magi Speelpenning]

my heart and prayers go out to you--if you ever want coaching around this, let me know--I will gift you a session--blessings

[Ashley]

Thanks for sharing, Bunny. I hope that he is okay and that God grants you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change. =) I'm sure you know the Serenity prayer!?


On Wednesday I went to my mom's AA meeting with her because it was the birthday meeting where 5 people celebrated their January birthdays of being sober. It was my mom's 5th birthday.... 5 years of being sober! When she went to speak in front of everyone, I nearly cried. I was beaming in joy. I have never been so proud of my mom... it was so amazing! Everyone who spoke was so inspiring! It was a great meeting!!!

[Lori]

i don't ever want to deal with crack again, it was a three year ordeal with a family member.i know all the crap you go through. i still get angry when i think of the lies, the pain, the sadness....the loss.....


God , please help those who can't feel their worth...

[Jackerouac]

Tears welled up in my eyes. My heart goes out to you both. I pray for you and John.
" To love ourselves"
Heal us all.

[Laura]

Wow. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. I'm gonna say a little prayer for John and your family every day without fail this month.

[Jennifer]

Oh, Bunny.

I am so sad to hear that you suffer with family members who have addictions. I too have experienced the horrible, heart ripping, mentally draining, in your face issues with my family. My father is an alcoholic and my sister did drugs in college. I love them dearly, but I don't trust them totally. I have been hurt by my trusting too much. Years of therapy and I can love them again because it is an illness. My friend works for CPS and I hear horror stories of what happens to innocent children whose parents are addicts. It is not FAIR to the children. It is NOT fair to the families. I wish something could be done about it. Heal Us! Heal All Of Us!

Thanking you for your raw honesty. Love,
Jennifer

[Wave]

Hey Bunny,

My dad is an alcoholic...he hides it but he has been numbed out a lot of the time that I have known him...he is a brilliant, generous, funny guy but he is absent and sometimes unaware of what he thinks and says ......he thinks he can't talk out the pain..or he won't acknowledge it..it's tough because I cannot force him to do that...telling him the cause is already the effect is not strong enough for people that want the adrenalin rush of an emergency to wake up....aghhhh...sorry, to hear that....yes, be loving but FIRM....state your boundaries qickly so he doesn't burn u out....it's good he has u...sometimes, just knowing that there are things that are better is enough for people to want to have a better life....he is lucky he has u.

[Ashley]

What a terrible thing to have to go through. It is so hard to see the ones you love being so destructive.

Your story reminds me too of the tar sands in Alberta where I live. So many men go to work on the oil rigs in the far north, and while there's not much to do, they resort to hard drugs like cocaine and meth. The heavy drug use is a well known fact, and the employers are aware of it too, though they turn their heads. It makes me so angry because these men inevitably become addicted to the drugs, and bleed our health care systems, while the big oil companies have legally washed their hands clean of the problem proclaiming to have given drugs tests. Addictions are so terrible, and it appears that nothing is being done about it.

Anyway, I'm sorry. I hope you can remain strong through all of this and I hope your brother will learn to help himself.
Best wishes to you.