Day 7 - Survive 100 Days With Bunny Berry- CONTEST TIME! RESPOND HERE!

[Bunny Berry]

For some of you this was your very first week as a raw foodist. Congratulations! And for some of you this was your first week of rededicating yourself to a brutal honesty living foods regimen. BIG PROPS to you, too!

Today I want us to dig deep, and try to figure out what it is, that ONE THING, that emotionally is holding us back from breaking through and fulfilling our living foods lifestyle dream. Respond to THIS THREAD by the 23th. I'll be sending someone a copy of Dr. Norman Walker's Become Younger. He lived to be 117, and so can you!

[Rawbin]

It sounds like you're getting the idea, but I just wanted to tell you, don't hate yourself, no matter what size you are right now. Love yourself, accept yourself, be yourself.

Then put only the best food into your body to fuel yourself, but don't beat yourself up on the days that you're less than perfect, perfectly human.

[Dana]

For me the biggest fear is FAILURE! For some reason (at my workplace, for example) people are scrutinizing every move I make because they know that I am trying to aim for 100 percent raw. It's like they don't believe that this lifestyle is something that can be maintained for the longterm. They think that I am being too extreme. Myself, I don't really concern myself with what others think it's just that I would feel EXTRA bad if I slipped up and felt all guilty (having to listen to them saying, "told you so!"

jc-ny said:

Hi everyone,
I've been a member since the second challenge started and have enjoyed everything this site has given me. I've lost my way slightly during the last challenge. I wanted to catch up and see the daily blogs but I can't seem to find them now that a new challenge has started. Maybe someone can direct me to them if possible.
The true struggle though, is that 2 months ago I lost my sister suddenly. It just so happens that we were together on a raw food health retreat and long story short she was living with Diabetes and high blood pressure that she didn't know about because she wanted to go to the retreat first and get on track with her health before going to the doctor. BIG MISTAKE!!!! I wish she would have found this lifestyle sooner. It could have saved her. So many things I'd do differently! Please don't take your health for granted. This all could have been avoided if she had taken care of herself. I'm determined more than ever to get my health in top shape and this site is helping me in more ways than one. Thank you Bunny and everyone that has connected through this great forum. Blessings to all!

[chasmyn]

I already have this book and I highly recommend it - it is a great read with lots of good information.

So I am just answering to answer, and because this is a really really good question. I'm not exactly sure what the one thing is - so many people have touched on what it might be - I feel like if I REALLY knew that one thing, I could break right through it - I wouold know what to work on. and the thing that comes to my mind is being afraid to be thin, because it means being some kind of vulnerable I haven't been in a long long time.

Please don't take this to mean anything about YOU if you have that perfect body I am dreaming of having girls - this is all about ME and My fear: I am so afraid of being that vulnerable - sometimes I look at little slender women or girls and I think, "Isn't she afraid being that small? (or that beautiful)" I think that points to it for me right there - something traumatic and life-altering happened to me when I had a slender body, and now I am afraid to have one again. AND everything I have now - my wonderful life, my supportive and loving husband, my beautiful son - were all created in this body - this larger body. What if being thin somehow made me lose them all? (Yes, I realize how silly this sounds, especially when I admit it, but it feels like a real subconscious fear). Time to do the Work on that one!

So I believe those are what is stopping me - that fear of being vulnerable.

[Leslie]

first, my definition of "the next level of health" would be going and staying 100% raw no matter what.

what holds me back is frustration from:

mainly, it has been detox. i get really super clean then the detox kicks my arss and most of the time, i try and slow it down with "a little cooked food" and that always wrecks me. the other thing, i do colonics when i've been really clean and it's detox time, then i'm so doggone hungry and "spent" afterwords, that i make bad choices. ppl tell me i should just make an 80% raw plan and stick to it. i don't think i can do 20% and be sane. still in the trial & error stage of this raw adventure.

the other thing, and i get honest with myself here, is that i need to quit coffee. it's really acid, and makes detoxing and cleaning even harder. i think that 'cuz it reduces my appetite it is a good thing. (wrong!)

third, and finally, anything extreme ends up wrecking me. i tried doing a smoothie feast and made it 2 weeks, then arrrrr! just had to eat something. made a "not so good" choice and went off the wagon. the deprivation got to be too much. add to that detox. i got a lot of tox. 43 years of it. (the past year, i have been laying off the tox) wish i had the money to just go to OHI or CHI for 2 months and be in a supportive environment and heal already!

[Francine]

I think for me the thing that holds me back is the fear of everything that I will I become once I step into my higher self. The fear of stepping outside of my comfort zone and into the unknown, the fear of my potential and what I can achieve, the fear of change, the fear of loving myself completely and being happy, successful, healthy, etc and the fear of once having it all, losing it again. We have a limitless potential as human beings and I think when you realise what you can actually achieve and accomplish, that in itself becomes very scary! But you know what, I am just going to the face the fear and do it anyway. The thing is, the longer you are raw, the less you can ignore that calling to be the best version of you possible.

Great thread bunny!

[Allison]

Previous boyfriends have always told me that I keep myself from being happy. I think I've grown comfortable not being happy, and even though I know it's not healthy...it's the place I've been the longest, so all my neurons are firing down those 'not happy' pathways quickly and strongly. When I am happy, it's fleeting.

So...the deepest thing that holds me back in so many ways is this image and belief in myself that I am not a happy, positive person, and the belief that I have to deserve happiness by accomplishing certain goals. "I'll be happy once I lose 10 pounds. I'll be happy once this paper is over. I'll be happy once..." There's always a new hoop for me to jump through before I can be 'happy.'

In my mind, I don't 'deserve' a raw food lifestyle or 'fit into' a raw food lifestyle because that happy, wholesome, glowing image does not align with how I see myself. I just can't wrap my head around myself being bright, light, energetic, and content MOST of the time.

Self-help, diet, fitness, and counselors gurus insist that you must change your self-image FIRST before any change in your personality or body will take place. I thought this meant I would wake up one day, have a positive self-image, and for the rest of my life be happy and okay with myself. But no...it's every day, every morning, every mealtime, every time I glance in the mirror, every time I put on clothes, every time I receive criticism or a weird look, in each and every moment that I have to really love myself and respect myself to be worthy of being happy and content, and learn to not look into things so much. I don't have to deserve health and happiness...I have to embrace it and just jump over that edge into a place I've never really been before...positive happiness.

It feels ridiculous to say this is scary. Scared to be happy? But yes, it is...it's like traveling to a new place, with new people, new landscapes, new perspectives of the world. You feel alone, queasy, nervous, but there's also that trill of an adventure and new place that you can't feel or recognize in your hometown.

This is the attitude I will practice. Happiness is a travel destination for me. One day I'll become a permanent resident, but for now I will move into my timeshare beach house for the rest of this challenge and just see what happens. No going back to my normal routine...this is a new place entirely.

[rebeccaj]

Today is my 7th day at 100% 811RV, the first time I've hit that goal in a long time. What was holding me back? Addiction, and the willingness to feed the addiction. What has allowed me to move forward: steely tough love. I looked at my options, saw that the path I was on was no longer an option, and removed my excuses from my vocabulary. Before, I was always in the mode of "one bite can't hurt," or "I've been doing so good, I deserve a treat," or "no one will like me if I just eat salad." etc. And I saw those for what they were - excuses, story, thoughts I believed - and instead of creating a future based upon waffling and wishy-washy stories, I decided to create the future I want. The last time I ate cooked food was April 15, 2009. I'm not changing the date. That mantra has given me more backbone - it doesn't care about my excuses or my emotions or my struggles. I have to deal with all of those things on my own, because cooked food isn't going to deal with them, it's just going to make them worse.

Bunny - maybe it's a trick of the light, but you look beautiful to me! Your skin looks fantastic, your dark circles are gone, those pounds you lost are showing up, wow. I know you thought you looked terrible in that video, but I thought you looked like you're getting the Raw Glow back! Congrats! (and The Last Day You Had a Diet Coke Was April ___, 2009)

[Lacey Harrison]

The one thing that is holding me back from breaking through and fulfilling my living foods lifestyle dream is...

My lazy butt. That is the only thing I can think of that is really holding me back from becoming a more healthy happy person. Its not fear of changing because who would not want to become more healthy, happy and live longer? Being healthy does not frighten me but maybe having to actually work at being healthy frightens me.

[ThriveSurvive]

I've wanted that book for a long time, so here goes!

This is not going to sound good, but I want to be totally honest, so I am going to try to be tactful, but I don't want to edit my language too much because I am afraid I will loose some of my honesty in the process.

The one thing that I think may be holding me back from totally breaking through and fulfilling my lifestyle dream is fear of looking like a stripper.

I said it. No offense to exotic dancers. Let me explain.

I was molested daily between the ages of 8 and 18. I was made pregnant at age 15 as a result. Although I KNOW it's not my fault and that my appearance was not the cause, 10 years of being seen as a sex slave really messed me up.
For many many years I overate in order to make myself unappealing. I wanted to look attractive enough to have a good paying job and be well though of, but I didn't want to be seen as a sex object by men, or a threat by women.

I have been on my raw food journey since October of 2006. I have watched my body go from pale, flabby and tired to thin, tan, and sexy...I even turn MYSELF on!

And it scares me. I know I am safe. I know my husband adores me and I don't have to fear what men think of me. I try not to worry about what women think either. Each day my body gets sexier. I get more and more confident and comfortable in my skin. I am moving past this hang up. It's a lot of reconditioning. I'll get there!

[Enith]

Cooked Foods hold me back! I have this obsession with cooking and smell of it too :( Having kids doesn't help either as I need to cook for them, ughhhhh BUT I am trying to think of the RESULTS I will get by keeping RAW and I've been VERY motivated lately. I don't have fear from fitting in size 1 jeans NO WAY! I want to be able to go shopping again. I've been HATING to go shopping in the last 6 years. NOTHING fits right. I have latina hips and they get in the way. My butt is bigger, my belly, my legs, ugh! too much FAT and TOXINS I need to get rid off. It's time to act!

uffff thanks for letting me vent....

[Tam May]

I know I'm replying to this thread very late, but I just joined Raw Fu yesterday and starting full throttle on raw food today (after 10 days of being off and on). So I'm backtracking and going through the challenge threads one by one for support and inspiration (thank you Bunny!!!)

I did want to answer this question more for myself, though. What is the biggest thing that is keeping me from getting healthy? I think the really deep thing behind it is fear of being content. I know that sounds so weird - who doesn't want to be content with themselves??? But I've come to realize in the past several years that when it comes to being content in my life, whatever it is (health, career, creativity), I have a bent towards self-destruction. I tend to try and fix things that aren't broken, so to speak. If something is going well and I am content, I will start to get thoughts of how I can make it different in my head and start to tamper and tweak until I ruin the good I've done. It's a very reliable pattern with me when it comes to food (if I'm eating a certain way, like vegan, say, and it's working and I'm content, I will get thoughts creeping up, like, "maybe I should be eating more protein, less carbs, dairy, etc." and I will start to rethink my menu and move to eating stuff that doesn't make me feel good). But it happens with other areas in my life as well. I'm a creative writer and I will be writing a story and enjoying the writing process and then I'll be thinking "oh, I should be writing more 'literary'" or something like that and rewrite what I've written and dig a hole for myself (thankfully, I have actually learned that if I am enjoying what I'm writing that's what's important and not to tamper with it so I haven't done that in a year).

I think the veil behind this fear of contentment is the old phrase "I'm not worth it". I feel like I'm not worth being healthy, being happy, being content with my life.

So for this challenge (or what's left of it, which is what I'm doing), I'm trying to give myself plenty of positive self-talk that I AM worth getting healthy and happy and content. There is absolutely no reason why I cannot do this for myself and it is not selfish or unworthy and if I keep at it, one day at a time (and follow consistency rather than perfection) I will get there and I will not fail, as I've failed with so many things in the past.

Thanks for letting me share :).

Tam

[uZa]

A couple of months late here, but here goes.

What holds me back, gets in my way, does everything *in its power* to foul me up time and again is that deep down conviction that I AM NOT WORTHY and do not deserve health, wealth, or happiness.

And if others really knew me they'd agree.

So I have to hide. Because I'm a big. fat. loser. A joke.

No matter how much I educate myself, no matter how many gadgets I buy, no matter how much healthy food I keep on hand and no matter how much I WANT it, I know before I even begin that I am deluding myself (and everyone else).

For a while I might be successful, remain committed, begin accomplishing my goals, tell myself that THIS time is going to be different.

But then . . . something happens. I falter. I stumble. I trip and fall. I get back up and brush myself off, but then I trip again, and again, and again. Until finally I just give up.

I give up.

Not just on my healthy eating habits, but on everything. On myself.

I'm not sure exactly when it happened but at some point along the way I just gave up on myself. I've disappointed myself too many times, made such a fool of myself, just screwed up in so many ways. So many times.

And I ask myself, "Why even bother?"

I am my own worst enemy.